Sheldon Swifties XXXI: The Black Lodge Stopover
by regertz
Summary: Like my Immortal Beloved bits in my Buffyverse stories, these are fragments and short bits, some longer…Just to fiddle with ideas, possibly forming longer tales later.


Sheldon Swifties XXXI: "The Black Lodge Stopover…"

Summary: Like my Immortal Beloved bits in my Buffyverse stories, these are fragments and short bits, some longer…Just to fiddle with ideas, possibly forming longer tales later.

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

"Heeeellloooo….Cooooper…" the little man in pink and red leisure dancing on the hardwood floor before crimson velvet curtains smiles at the staring Sheldon… Beam "…shines always sun the where place a from come I…"

"That's reversed speech, I don't like reversed speech…" Sheldon sitting in aluminum folding lawn chair, dressed in "The Flash" t-shirt and pants, frowns… "Stop it or I'll just not listen and record you and then play it back so it comes out right…"

"repooC uoy k**F…" sneer…

"Now you're reversing words…That's even easier to put right playing back you know…And my Mom would stick a bar of lye soap in your little mouth for talking like that…Or taht ekil gniklat, if we must…" shrug…

"…?ereh ma I yhw wonk ot tnaw uoy t'noD"

"Not really…This is obviously a dream…Though why I'm dreaming of the little dwarf from 'Twin Peaks' instead of the Flash or a Star Trek reference is beyond me…" Sheldon shook his head…

"?…dranoeL fo uoy dnimer I esuaceb si ti spahreP" shrewd look…

"Hmmn…Interesting…But despite your physical size, it's more like you remind me of Stephen Hawking vocally…And my miserable failure in my one chance of personally impressing him…"

"…yob revelC…" smile, touch to head…Tapping skull…

"Clever enough never to find Mr. Lynch's attempts at creepy atmospherics very convincing…" Sheldon shakes head… Hmmn…

Howard in purple sequined shirt, Raj in yellow, both in bell-bottoms, appear…Dancing alongside the dwarf, while snapping fingers…Howard with pirate patch over one eye… "Dude…" Raj, pausing to gaze at Howard… "You are always so f-ing suave…"

Hmmn…Sheldon pondering…

"Is it to do with Leonard mentioning "Twin Peaks" might be coming back?...What am I saying, of course it is…"

"Very good, Sheldon…" Amy appears in striped blouse, skirt, sweater, smiling at him… "You've made the immediate association without trying to block…"

"As long as we're going Lynchian, lets dress up like Indians and go to Vegas…" Howard suggests…

"Dude…" Raj, frowning… "Native American…You know that use of 'Indian' is so…"

"I meant, Indian, Indian…Lots of them were in Vegas last time…" Howard, archly… "Oh, well then…Lets hit it and quit it…You are so suave, dude…" Raj, beaming…

".nisuoc ym s'ehS…" the dwarf eyes Amy fondly…She backing a bit, anxious…

"Don't you dare!..." Sheldon, suddenly… "Not even in a dream…!" The little man backing a bit from him, startled…

"What are you gonna do about it?..." fiendish face of wild-eyed, long-haired, brutal man of harsh features appears, coming out of the wall behind the still dancing dwarf… "Protective are we?...Ha, ha, ha!...YOU?!...You're even easier to break than the original Cooper!…"

"And you're dead…" Sheldon, calmly… "The actor who played you died…"

"Good…That's my clever boy…" Amy, beaming… "Don't let him gain any footholds…"

"em truh uoy tel t'now dneirf yM…" the dwarf, assertively…Looking for support to the floating face hovering just off the wall…

"Look at you!...' ' in his kiddie costume!…Moron, idiot…Weakling!…I wouldn't waste my time killing you!..." the face raged…

"We all wear costumes…You're wearing one right now…" Sheldon noted…

"Sheldon…" Amy, delighted, shaking head… "That's the way!...And don't listen to him, you are very appealing as Data…"

"Absolutely…" Raj agrees… "So f-ing suave…Ok, Howie…He's got this…Lets hit the road, boy…" eyeing Howard, now in Nehru jacket and cap…They disappear… "See ya in Vegas, bitches…" faint words fading…

"Boy!...I always said you were fit for nothing…Not worth the trouble of drownin' like a pup…How'd you ever manage to wind up with a woman?...If you call that a woman…" vicious sneer, the face now that of George Cooper Sr…

"Please…Unresolved guilt toward the father?..." Amy shook head… "You'll have to do better than that…Eh, moonpie…?" grin…

"NO…NO…NOOO!...NO Helping!..." the face, reverted back, screamed…

"It was too obvious…" Amy shrugged…

"It certainly was…" Sheldon nodded… "You'd do much better trying my Meemaw or maybe Mama…I know my daddy loved me in his way…He told me so before he died…"

"Man, oh man…" Dale Cooper appears in black suit, grey-haired, aged, shaking head… "Bob never learns, does he?...Hey, cousin Sheldon…" nod…

"Really?..." Amy eyes Sheldon…

"Well, I did have a cousin in the FBI…I suppose that's the link…"

"YOU!...I BEAT YOU!..." the face screams at Dale…

"srepooC, riaf oN…" the dwarf pauses in his dancing, frowning at first Dale, then Sheldon…

"Me trapped in the Black Lodge for years wasn't fair…Trying to use me to get to Annie wasn't fair…This is simply just…" Dale notes…

"I must admit I did always like your character…" Sheldon smiles… "Very organized and methodical…And you always took notes…So many investigative characters don't on television…"

"You know he doesn't want you, I suppose…" Dale eyes him…"As with me, he'd settle if he must but he wants…"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!..." the face shrieks… The dwarf sighing…Downcast look, dancing stopped…

"Right…Well, no problem then…" Sheldon, confidently… "Amy makes Laura Palmer look like Howard Wolowitz…And I've upgraded Wolowitz to fairly courageous since his space flight…Don't tell him that…"

"Thanks, Moonpie…" Amy, pleased…

"Thanks, Moonpie…" the face, now in Amy form…Sneering… "Thanks, Moonpie…Thaaaannnkkss Mooonpie…HA, AH, HA, HA…" takes on the costume of the Wicked Witch of the West…

"Is that a sexual fantasy of yours, sweetheart?..." the original Amy asks Sheldon, curious… "Cause I could do that in a heartbeat, if you like me…Wicked…" grin…

"Did he really want Annie, then?..." Sheldon asks Dale…Who nods…

"She was as close to Laura in nature as he could find…He's drawn to the purest nature…To degrade and destroy it…Something to do with his own negative nature…Once he tried Eleanor Roosevelt…Another time St. Theresa…Dr. King…Gandhi…"

"Logical choices…" Sheldon nods…

"I should think he'd want my bestie, then…" Amy notes… "Surely for all her physical experience in the love department there's no one with a purer soul…"

"Oh, contraire…" Sheldon, frowning… "And after all, this is my nightmare…You are the purest soul I've ever encountered…"

"…yhw si hcihw…" the dwarf, speaking up…

"PUREST, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, hah…" the witch face leering now… "Purest…" sneer…

"Ah…So that's it…" Sheldon, nodding…

"What's what?..." the witch face, clearly nervous now…

"Clever, clever boy…" Amy, grinning…

"…nodlehS…nodlehS…nodlehS…" the dwarf, reaching…

"You know that is very annoying…" Sheldon frowning as he stepped back…

"I will tell you one thing that is true…" a deep voice, startling him…He whirled to see a bald giant, over eight feet tall, in buttoned-down shirt and bow tie sadly eyeing him…

"She's vile, like them all!..." the floating Amy witch face tried a fierce sneer…Morphing back into Bob's raging face… "She's contaminating you!...She let you!…She made you!...And I will see that that's just the beginning!…Dragging you down!...Betraying you…!" back to Amy's face…Leer…Taking full body form, in same outfit as original Amy… "Welcome to the misery you've dodged all your life!…Welcome to human failure and pain!...'Sheldon Cooper, I'm Amy Farrah Fowler'…Let those words be your epitaph!..."

"Please…You know this is how I'd expect Penny to play me, if she were playing me evil…" Amy noted…

"Lord, I think you're right, Amy…" Sheldon nodded…

"So…Penny…" false Amy, bitterly… "I knew it…I knew there was something between you…I'll make her suffer for that…My 'bestie'…That slut…That 'soft kitty' whore…" back to witch's costume… "I'll get her and her little dog, Leonard, too!..."

"Doppelganger..." Dale…Shaking head… "…regnagleppoD…" the dwarf agreed…

"I've seen this before…It's not pretty…" Dale sighed… "Diane?..." he spoke into a pocket tape recorder…

"Old-fashioned, I know…" he nodded to Sheldon… "But I'm a man of my lost time…Diane?...I think I may have a new case to solve, in Pasadena, California…"

"No one can do anything to you you don't want them too, Moonpie…" the giant smiled at Sheldon…

"NO!..." false Amy…Raging… "I'll destroy you!...I'll ruin you!...I've made you care!...Now I'll twist your heart out of your miserable weak body and befoul your soul!...I'll make you hate me and the day you were born!..."

"It's alright to be afraid…You know I forgive you, Sheldon…" original Amy…

"Meemaw?..." Sheldon gasping at the giant's kind face…

"Hey!..." Penny grabbed the stumbling Sheldon, risen from the chair where he'd finally fallen asleep… "Sheldon…Sheldon, honey…Wake up!...Sheldon!..."

"Sheldon, she's fine…" Leonard, turning to him, patted him… "She's going to be fine…"

He eyed them…Penny by his hospital chair…Leonard at the unconscious Amy's bedside…

"Sheldon…I'm so sorry I yelled at you…" Penny, sighing… "I know you didn't mean to hurt Amy…You were just trying to get her here fast as you could…Just like with me…"

Leonard staring a moment…

"My shoulder…We been through it?..." she eyed him…

Ohhh…Right…The famed "soft kitty shoulder incident"…

"Sheldon, anyone would have been terrified…" he nodded to Sheldon…

Terrified…?

Yes…He blinked…Amy in the car, bleeding beside him…Ambulance siren blaring, workers all around them, asking…

"I had to…I had to get her here…" he began…

"That's right, sweetie…" Penny nodded… "You were just helping her…It's ok…"

"And she's gonna be fine, Sheldon…" Leonard, eagerly…

"No…I did this…I told her…" he began… "I said…"

"Not now, honey…" Penny tried…Patting him… "Later…We'll do this later…"

"I said it was degrading…" he stared… "She was so happy and I was too but…I was so afraid…"

"Leonard?..." Penny, anxiously…

"Sheldon, buddy…You didn't mean for her to hurt herself…" Leonard sighed…

"I hurt her…I told her…She loved me so much and I…"pause, stare…"You know you dance very well, Leonard…"

"Uh…Thanks…" What?...He eyed Penny who shrugged…

"You just weren't ready, Sheldon…" Penny, pleading tone… "I just wish she'd called me…But she's fine…You got her here in time…And the pills actually kept her from bleeding too much, the doctor says…"

"Sheldon…" Amy, low whisper…

"Amy…Amy…" kneeling beside her…

"Made it…" she smiled… "Such a clever boy…" she took his hand…Kissing it…

"Lets give em a mo…" Penny hissed, leading Leonard out of the hospital room…To where an anxious Bernadette, Howard, Raj all waited in the hall…

"She's awake…We'll all go in in a minute…" Penny nodded to them…

"She's gonna be ok…" Leonard agreed…

"I can't believe Amy would do something like this…" Bernadette, shaking head…Trembling…"Are you sure she should be alone with that…" grim glance…

"Bernie…" Howard urged…Leonard, anxious look to him…

"He didn't realize what it meant to her then…Or to him…" Penny sighed… "Leonard and I should have spoken to him and helped him be ready…"

"For God's sakes all they did was make love…" Bernadette, fuming a bit… "How could he do that to her?...All these years she's just loved him…Waited for him to show her just a little…"

"Bernie, we don't know all the details…" Howard noted… "But Sheldon's been used to Amy being able to take whatever he dished out…Just this time, it was a little too much for her…"

"I was so angry at him, too, Bernadette…" Penny sighed, tearing… "But he hasn't left her side…And the look on his face when we got here…He was getting so desperate they had to drug him…And just now …He knows what he did and I believe he's really sorry…He loves her…And she forgives him, I've no doubt about that…"

"But what's gonna happen to her?...And the baby…" Bernadette, anxiously…

"She'll be ok…I think Sheldon's grown up these last two days…" Leonard noted… "But whatever happens there, between them, Amy'll be ok…She's tougher than we give her credit for, she just had a bad moment when it all piled…And we'll all help her, regardless…"

"Our first baby…" Raj sighed… "And God, it's the spawn of Sheldon Cooper…Who could have seen that coming…?"

"Not Sheldon, that's for sure…" Howard noted…

"I really do think he'll be ok…" Leonard, carefully… "He had a bad moment too but Penny's right…I think he's worked through it…"

"Oh, Amy…I'm so sorry…" Sheldon, sighing… "It's all my fault…"

"No…My fault…I knew this would be a slow process…" she squeezed his hand… "I just panicked and lost out to my dark side for a moment…Sheldon, I'm so sorry she tried to hurt you, grabbing the wheel like that…But thanks to you, my darling, I'm back and she's gone and back in the black lodge and I'll never let her back in…"

Sheldon staring…Faintest sound of enraged Bob, howling in the wall…

"Leonard made a truly cute dwarf, didn't he?..." Amy, grinning…

"


End file.
